Jan's Aunt Jenny (S3E17)

Incident #33: This is another one of those "leave Alice in the dark" moments when Jan gets a letter that she's been pestering Alice about for the past TEN days.  She just grabs the letter, yells "It's from her!", and runs away up to her room.  You see, Alice is just the maid and therefore it doesn't matter that she's left in the dark about things.  Of course it's even worse than being in the dark because those creepy people always leave her with little riddles that she never seems to get.  Just another incident of no consideration and quite cruel as well.

A Purple Moment is flung at us by my favorite purple wearer: Marcia.  The cool thing is that there's yet another Purple Moment at the same time by none other than our Guest: Aunt Jenny!  She is far out.

Even Alice calls her 'Aunt Jenny' like she's just one of the family.  She continues to get these mixes messages and all I can do is shake my head in utter depression.

 

Dough Re Mi (S3E16)

Purple Moment is observed by Cindy.  She's wearing a purple shirt with purple bows in her hair.  I can't see what's she's wearing below, but maybe stay tuned....

Ah and now Marcia is all in purple!  Far out!  She always looks really great in purple don't you think?

Marcia's Purple Moment

And then once again we see Cindy all decked out in purple whilst in the recording studio.

But I'm pleased to report, my dear reader, that there were no significant atrocities perpetrated upon Alice, except the Big One, which is simple her being there.

Big Little Man (S3E15)

For the 2nd time since I've begun this blog, the 'First Call' song is used.  This time, it's at least related to horse racing. This time it's just a crack at Bobby for being so short.

Other than that, there are no significant atrocities to report.

The Teeter-Totter Caper (S3E14)

Incident #32: At the end of the episode, we see the family getting home from the wedding and Alice sitting on the couch darning a sock.  Even when she's alone she's always doing something for someone else.  She's still in her "work cloths" including her apron.  Jeez Alice, don't you ever relax?  You're always either working or doing something for someone or being dragged along by that asshole Sam.  Anyhow, here once again we have a situation where Alice isn't needed so therefore she's not part of the family.  Everyone else gets to go to the wedding, but Alice isn't even invited nor is it even considered.  Of course, she's fine with this because she continues to be blind blind blind and oh so happy about it.

This was actually one hell of a boring episode.

The Not-So-Rose-Colored Glasses (S3E13)

I first need to mention here that this is the 2nd of two 'Not-So' episodes.  The first one, entitled "The Not-So-Ugly Duckling" was in Season 2, Episode 9.  Now on with the shew...........

No significant atrocities to report.

But I should mention yet another pattern exhibited by the character for which this blog is dedicated.  She continually is putting herself down -- and no one argues with her.  Mostly either her age or her weight or her marriage status (or lack thereof).  But it's almost predictable that no one would argue with her.  Who can argue with the truth (at least how they see it)?  After some serious and important consultation with my staff, I've decided to call these 'Alice's Big Bum Moments' -- or ABBM for short -- and I'll try to remember to note these moments when they come up.  Wow this blog is really evolving quickly.

This episode, ABBM #1 was regarding her weight.

As mentioned in my last entry, I've noticed that half of the children have worn purple outfits.  I think I want to start a game called "Who's going to wear purple next?"  I guess I should make one rule that whoever it is, has to be at least half clothed in purple.  So a purple necktie doesn't count but a purple shirt would.  Get it?  It could be really fun and maybe just maybe I'll remember to do it from now on.  These I'll call 'Moments In Purple' and I'll just name the person who was wearing purple.  There were no Moments In Purple in this episode as far as I know, but I wasn't really looking.

Getting Davy Jones (S3E12)

No significant incidents to report.

But I do have an observation of an strange pattern with this family.  So far, I've seen Greg, Marcia, and now Cindy in purple outfits.  I have a theory that all the children eventually are seen in purple.  Time will tell since I haven't even been looking for that until this very moment.  This might even extend to Mike, Carol, and even Alice.  Wow that would be really cool, but for some reason I have my doubts.  That's why it's a theory that I now need to put to the test.

Click (S3E11)

What we have here is a case of mixed messages.  There is a strong suggestion of "normalcy" in the household.  Everyone is happy and everyone is thanking Alice for all the wonderful things she does for them.  I'm so incredibly sad about that because once again Alice is getting screwed!  I mean they beat her down and beat her down again and beat her down one more time and then they do one small "nice" thing and everything is back to "even" when it clearly shouldn't!!!!  So the result is that Alice unconsciously gets beaten down even more and she doesn't even know it!  The poor, poor, poor soul!  I weep for you, Alice.

Incident #31: This incident is particularly difficult to describe because it's Alice shooting herself in the foot with the help of Peter.  We find Alice working on a recipe that she's trying to remember.  She's writing the ingredients down on the chalkboard.  This is her first mistake.  Next Peter runs in and wants to show her what a 'Red Dog' play is.  Before Alice can stop him, Peter has erased the recipe that she's worked so hard to remember.  That little fucker then turns around and says "Was it something important, Alice?"  Now that really pisses me off!  BUT, a person to my left has indicated to me that it's QUITE possible that Peter did this simply because "he is acting like a normal self-involved adolescent" and this is one thing that they do -- stuff like erasing blackboards.  But I contend that Peter simply has no honest consideration for Alice and doesn't give a fuck WHAT is written on a blackboard!  If he needs it, he'll just go up and erase it with NO consideration at all!  But the thing is that Alice SHOULD know better than to make ANYTHING accessible to the children because they WILL fuck it up.  Despite knowing this, she makes accessible to the children the "recipe that has been handed down from generation to generation" and therefore gets EXACTLY what she deserves.  What a pitiful old hag!  The really really sad part is that she is CLUELESS.  She actually believes that this is all Peter's fault.  I want to go bite something.  And wow -- we see a bit later that Alice is back on the chalkboard trying to remember the recipe again.  She has half the board filled (which I'd like to say is pretty good!).  Now how much can I help her and defend her when she clearly will not help herself?  I mean, she STILL doesn't get it despite being burned maybe a day or two earlier!  Alice you need to get out of there!!!!

 

Her Sister's Shadow (S3E10)

This is the famous "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia" episode!  Yip Yip Yipee!!!  This is followed at the end by the less famous and MUCH less dramatic "Jan, Jan, Jan" uttered unenthusiastically by Cindy.

Incident #30: Alice is stuck making pom-poms for Jan.  Why is it that she seems to always get stuck with the craft projects??  She's making them out of strands of newspaper that she's cutting up into strips.  From the look of the pile of paper strands, she's been at this for quite some time!  But she's as happy as a clam while her hands start to cramp and making dinner doesn't seem all that important.  The interesting thing is what happens when we see her next with the "pom-poms".  They turn out to be mop heads!  So sometime in between when we last saw her struggling with the paper and now with the mop heads, she made an independent decision to change strategy and describes it as "best thing I could do on short notice."  Is this possible????  Oh my god there is so much wrong about this!  First of all, she was MAKING pom-poms with strips of paper.  Now all of a sudden she's walking out with mop handles?!?!  Second, something made her switch.  It could be one of two things: either she got tired of cutting up strips of paper and independently decided to switch to mop heads, OR Jan (or someone else, probably someone else) told Alice that the pom-poms were needed right at that moment and to get off her ass and get her those pom-poms and we don't care WHAT they are!  If Alice actually did make an independent decision, then this is the first one I've seen since starting this BLOG.  Way to go, Alice!

The Private Ear (S3E9)

No significant atrocities to report.  Not even a tangent or any other pattern of behavior by anyone!  The balance of the universe is still teetering on total collapse.  I need to fully list every atrocity from every episode.  Only then will the fate of the universe be more predictable.

And Now A Word From Our Sponsor (S3E8)

Incident #29: For some reason, the entire family less Alice and Mike (hmmmmmm?) all go to the grocery store.  But when they come home with exciting news they do two things.  First, they don't tell Alice a thing and make her look the fool (yet again) for trying to figure out what they're talking about.  You see, she's lead on over and over again that she's "part of the family", but when Big News comes in, no one gives a shit about her -- almost like she's not there.  Almost.  Why do I say this?  Because she IS there to grab all the groceries (well, five out of the eight) and put them on the table.  See?  She's only there when she's needed.  She really isn't part of the family, so no one considers that she'd like to hear the good news.  All they give her is riddles:

1. Marcia says, "I've just got call <unintelligible> and tell her the good news!"
2. Carol says, "You won't believe, it's crazy!  Wait 'til I tell Mike!"
3. Jan says, "Alice!  Did you hear about it?"

Peter finally spills it, but that's she gets from him -- no other explanation as to the details.  Then Cindy strikes the final blow by telling Alice "We're going to do a commercial for a funny man who looks through his hands!" So it's just a riddle on top of a riddle!  Oh Alice, why can't you see the terrible things they do to you!  I weep for you because you're unable to see what's right in front of your face!  Everyone just rushes by her like she's invisible yet somehow able to grab the bags of groceries.  And guess who gets to put it all away?

Juliet Is The Sun (S3E7)

Not a real incident of any kind of atrocity, but more like a pattern needs to be noted here.  I think that Alice is confused about what role she should play or even more importantly Who She Is.  The reason for this is the mixed messages she continues to get from everyone.  On this episode, Alice goes with the family to Marcia's play.  So this sends her the message that she's an important and appreciated part of this family.  On the other hand, I've sofar pointed out 28 atrocities that fundamentally gives her the message that she isn't part of the family!  So here's a bit of evidence to support the theory that Alice is confused.

The Personality Kid (S3E6)

Incident #28: At Peter's party, Alice is the one who's taking care of everyone's needs.  We see her making sure that everyone's drinks are filled.  She is the humble, mindless servant who most likely also did most of the work getting it all ready.  Mike and Carol are sitting in the kitchen playing dominoes for god's sake!  You see, "parents" aren't suppose to be seen or heard at parties for their children, but they do need to be closeby.  However, someone has to make sure that the party keeps moving forward.  That leaves good 'ol Alice to do pretty much everything.  I wonder if any of those kids thanked Alice for filling their drinks.

My Sister Benedict Arnold (S3E5)

Incident #24: The children are getting out of hand this morning.  We see Carol "taking care" of the kids by trying to help them figure everything out but it's just getting more and more insane.  Finally, it takes Alice with her big huge lungs to whistle very loudly and yell "Hold It!" which is sort of like what the Alpha Dog does to his/her pack.  This is very clearly the 2nd Mother role.  She then continues in this role as she helps Carol scoot the kids out the door for school.

Incident #25: Alice is with the kids in the backyard with their newly-built dunk tank.  She's full on in her 2nd Mother role, taking care of Cindy when she gets dunked by running up the ladder, towel over left shoulder, and saying "hang on honey, here comes the coast guard".  Here's a clear picture of Alice not realizing what kind of situation she's in.  If she weren't so blind, she'd see right away that it isn't the responsibility of the "maid" or the "housekeeper" to play 2nd Mother to these brats.  She should be in the kitchen cooking!  Doh, what am I saying!  Have I fallen for this, too?  So here's the question: where should Alice be right at this moment?  Should she be playing 2nd Mother with the kids out in the backyard with the dunk-tank, or should she be cooking dinner?  I have it!  I think she's playing 2nd Mother AND cooking dinner at the same time.  Probably everything at the moment just needs to cook, so she can get away and take care of the kids, too.  Where the hell is Carol and/or Mike?  Mike may not be home yet, but that leaves Carol probably just wandering the house looking for mistakes that Alice made so she can jump all over her (off camera, of course).

Incident #26:  When Mike & Carol need to quickly take care of something, they dump BOTH of their bags of groceries onto Alice, who is already carrying a bag.  So now we see her carrying three bags and having a pretty rough time at it.  She doesn't yell out "hey, what the fuck are you dumping all this crap on me for?"  Instead, she pleads to the children with a "may day -- anybody".  The kids just run away because they don't give a crap about Alice.  Never mind that all that food she's carrying and is about to spill and it's all to stuff their fat ugly faces!  We just see Peter standing there looking at her with this "look at me I'm a dummy" expression on his face:

 

The last microsecond of the scene gives the impression that Alice is about to fall over, and I'll bet she did -- as Peter looked on!

Incident #27: Somehow Alice finds the opportunity to clean up after those filthy nasty kids who are now off doing something else while leaving this mess for "someone" to clean up.  Guess who?  Anyhow, the music indicates that Alice might be getting herself into some trouble.  Yes, indeed.  She ends up dunking herself.  The really strange thing is the choice of music while she's dunking.  It's the horse-race song!

Allright -- so WHY is this music used?  Well, this is yet another motif that seems to be appearing quite often.  Alice as a "Workhorse".  The music is used because they're using the dunk tank as some kind of horse stall.  One theory is that the song 'First Call' is played to summon the horses to the starting gates.  When Alice gets dunked, she's figuratively being placed in her stall.  The other theory is that when she falls into the tank, that's like getting out of the starting gate.  I'd never make this connection unless the music smacked me in the face with it!!!  I just think it's really really sad that everyone involved in this show behind the scenes (writers, etc.) would so blatantly use this music to show us viewers that Alice is a workhorse.

The Wheeler-Dealer (S3E4)

No significant atrocities to report.

The Brady Braves (S3E3)

Incident #22: In this third of the 'Grand Canyon' series, we find the family sitting around the campfire singing songs.  I look around the campfire and see everyone but Alice!  I could cry and here's why:  In the next scene, we find Alice -- alone and eating her dinner in the dark away from everyone else.  Just a little light to make her "area" not so dark.  And of course she's right by the camping stove because THAT'S where the Maid belongs, right?????  I think that this has to be the #1 atrocity so far in this blog.  I really do want to just stop writing this right now and CRY!  Ok, well maybe not.  In any case, this is so incredibly sad!

This first image is how we initially find Alice -- take a look at the expression on her face!

And then a few seconds later a wider shot:

 

Isn't this the saddest thing you've ever seen?  She looks so incredibly sad and lonely!  She must be!  I mean, she even LOOKS sad and lonely.  Who wouldn't feel this way given the same circumstances!  Oh my god -- and notice in the first picture especially that she's FACING the fire -- as if she longs to be over there singing songs with the family, but she knows better than to interfere.  No one wants Alice around unless they need her for something.  This is Family Time in the most intense way possible (alone together in the wilderness -- this always brings people closer together because it's a shared experience), and under those circumstances, Alice is undeniably NOT part of the family!  No one in their right MIND would want to have a shared experience with Alice -- she's just the slave!  Guess who's going to be "free" to clean up all of this?  You guessed it, my good-natured reader.  Ta da da da!  A * L * I * C * E

In the same scene, we see Cindy and Bobby getting their plates filled (again) by Alice, who is located in the position I describe above.  You see?  Alice is THERE when they WANT something, but otherwise isn't there at all otherwise she'd be with the rest of the humans and not the cooked meat on the campstove!  Boy, now I've gone from being very very sad to very very angry!  Those sons of bitches!  How could the writers come up with this and why didn't anyhow point out the TERRIBLE message this sends to the viewers!  Something MUST be done about this and by golly that's what this blog -- Alice The Happy Slave -- is all about.  So read on!

Incident #23: Next we find Carol and Alice cleaning the dishes.  So I guess I jumped the gun a little bit on my prediction in the previous Incident about Alice being the one stuck with the dishes.  She is, but Carol is also doing them.  When it comes to changing the water, Alice is the one who decides that the water needs changing (a la 2nd wife mode), but then Carol proceeds to tell Alice where the water is (in a stream just beyond the boulders -- she "can't miss it").  Alice diverts her very obvious pain and agony caused by once again being reminded who is the master and who is the slave by making one of her "man" jokes.  She's got a million of these and I should probably also document them.  So here we go:

Man Joke #1: "If I'm not back in ten minutes, send out a forest ranger.  On second thought, even if I don't get lost, send out a forest ranger.  About 6 - 2, broad in the shoulders and grey at the temples."

These kinds of comments always diverts attention away (far, far away) from the protagonist (Alice) and get everyone involved (including the viewer) completely not being aware or remembering the terrible atrocity that has just been perpetrated.

In the next scene, we watch Alice stumble over rocks as she carries herself to the stream just beyond the boulders and laugh at the way she's fumbling and stumbling.  She them happens upon a Native American man, which leads to the next item:

The 2nd Wife Theory:  You've seen, by dear reader, a couple of references to 'The 2nd Wife'.  My theory is simple -- Alice is Mike's other wife.  Carol is the "pretty one" and the one that takes care of the kids when there's something important to attend to.  Alice is the "slave" who is available at any time for any task (not a one is too difficult or impossible) just call her name and thunk she's there. Or at a minimum, Alice jumps into that role of 2nd Wife as needed.  Whether she ACTUALLY is or not, is never revealed (to my knowledge -- but wow I have something like a kagillion episodes left to watch!).

Here we have a CONFIRMATION of the fact that the writers had the idea of a 2nd wife in their heads which "leaks out" from time to time.  So in this scene, the Native American man asks Alice flat out: "Mr. Brady has two squas?"  Alice flatly denies this, but it's very obvious to me that she's hiding something.  Notice the tension in her expressions:

The look on her face at this moment is nothing else but "Oh my fucking god!  How does he know?????  How did he find out?????  Who told him????? Wait 'til I get ahold of the motherfucker who told him!  Who else has this person told?????"  She explains to him that she "sort of a squa, junior grade".  If this isn't a completely unambiguous admission by everyone involved in this show that Alice IS the 2nd wife!!!!!

Anyhow, even if she actually isn't a 2nd wife, she most certainly believes that she is -- and that's all that matters.

Non-Alice Atrocity #1:  I've noticed for the first time that the atrocities are not solely delivered to Alice, but anyone of a "lesser class".  In the very next scene, we find Mike, Carol, and the Native man and boy talking.  The Native American man is thankful to Mike for getting his grandson (the boy) to return to his home from which he'd run away.  Anyhow, this guy keeps offering Mike his thanks.  He says, "I offer you thanks, many times".  Now -- the correct response is "thank you".  This guy has given Mike a gift, but Mike refuses it.  Why would he do that?  Well, because maybe he's trying to be humble.  Ok, fine.  Bu then the man offers it again by saying "I offer you thanks".  Mike's response is "Well, you're welcome".  What an incredibly ignorant fool!  Can't he HEAR what this guy is doing?  He's giving a gift of thanks to Mike, and stupid Mike tells him "you're welcome"???  What an asshole!  All of this is done with a very uppity tone as if the Native dude isn't too sharp because, well, he's a Native dude and they just aren't all that sharp as we all know.  The Native man is made to look the fool for talking the way he does by "offering thanks" and all Mike does is pat him on his little head before sending him off to homey home home.

Grand Canyon or Bust (S3E2)

No significant incidents or atrocities to report

Ghost Town U.S.A. (S3E1)

Incident #21: Everyone's eating at their camping location in the ghost town -- except Alice.  She is serving the food.  When will she eat?  No one knows for sure because we see her eat so rarely.  Of course the only the reason why she's on this trip at all is because she's needed in her capacity as slave and 2nd wife.

Tell It Like It Is (S2E24)

Incident #16: Mike apparently arrives in the kitchen one morning earlier than usual.  However, it must be noted that EVERYTHING is all ready for him.  Alice seems to always be on top of things.  My theory is that her schedule is the same, but Mike's isn't.  This means that Alice gets up VERY early to prepare breakfast.  I mean, the oatmeal is ready, the coffee is ready, the bowls are ready, the mugs are ready.  In fact, it seems as though breakfast for the most part, is already complete because we see Alice with a plate full of slices of bread, which I assume are for the making of sandwiches for the kids' lunchboxes.  She's amazing and no one gives a shit.  Mike just pours his fucking coffee like nothing is different and the coffee was always there.  What an asshole!  It is further disclosed that Mike's "prowling around" woke Alice from a very pleasant dream.  Her response?  "Easy come, easy go."  She continues to shoot herself in the foot because she is not only JUST a slave, but she's a BLIND slave!  She has almost completely identified herself within the context of the family.  She clearly is just another piece of useful furniture!

Incident #17: Carol reinforces Alice's belief that she's "one of the family" by telling her so!  To her face!  Alice buys the lie hook line and sinker.  Sigh.

FACT ALERT: Mike admits that Alice is a 'Housekeeper'.

PATTERN ALERT: People don't seem to know what others are doing in the house even though they should.  Example: Carol cleaned out the fireplace but Alice doesn't know even though she's been in the kitchen.  Alice would have, at a minimum, heard the ruckus.

Incident #18: Although Carol does eventually apologize (though it's more out of manners/guilt that she does so), she drags Alice along while she's on the telephone and then completely forgets she's there until she realizes that she needs her help with a tea 'on Friday at 4 o'clock (which Carol is mistaken about -- she arranged it for 3 o'clock).  (You figure this one out yourself).

Incident #19: Mike drops two huge bundles of flowers on the floor, and then just steps over then and leaves them!  Gee -- I wonder who's gonna have to clean up that mess?  Mike is much more concerned about his guests (whom he's never met) than Alice having to not only step up her game now because the guests are an hour early, but also because she needs to clean up his fucking spillage!

Incident #20:  Peter demands from Alice "when are ya gonna stop writing your story and start cooking us dinner?"  Alice explains that Carol is doing it today out of the kindness of her incredibly large heart so that Alice can write her story.  See, you need to keep the help happy.  But note that the children know the truth: that Alice cooks dinner.  Carol brings in Alice's dinner, which of course must be separated from the rest of the family because she's just the servant.  Alice never eats with the family just like no slave would eat with the family cuz that would spoil it.

Alice's September Song (S2E23)

I had a very large entry here but I fucked up and erased it all.  Someday in the far far future, I'll return to this episode and give it the attention it so much deserves.  For now, the picture above pretty much sums up the entire episode.

Here are the lyrics to 'September Song' by Frank Sinatra.  This is, I'm sure, the basic theme of this episode.

When I was a young man courting the girls
I played me a waiting game
If a maid refused me with tossing curls
I'd let the old Earth make a couple of whirls
While I plied her with tears in lieu of pearls
And as time came around she came my way
As time came around, she came

When you meet with the young girls early in the Spring
You court them in song and rhyme
They answer with words and a clover ring
But if you could examine the goods they bring
They have little to offer but the songs they sing
And the plentiful waste of time of day
A plentiful waste of time

Oh, it's a long, long while from May to December
But the days grow short when you reach September
When the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame
One hasn't got time for the waiting game

Oh, the days dwindle down to a precious few
September, November
And these few precious days I'll spend with you
These precious days I'll spend with you

There's also a great reference to Fargo North, Decorder in this episode but if you don't know what you're looking for you'll miss it.

 

Double Parked (S2E22)

Incident #13: As Carol leaves, Alice scurries two steps behind her and closes the door when Carol leaves.  The first big mystery is why is that door open?  Who the hell opened the door -- or even worse, who left it open?  Did Alice open the door in anticipation of Carol leaving and then run to meet her at the bottom of the stairs?  We really have no idea why the door is initially open!!!  In any case, Alice closes the door when Carol  leaves.  The scene then jumps in time and we see Alice opening the door for Carol!  Wow this was a sneaky way to ALMOST get away with an atrocity, but I was able to catch it!  There are two ways that Alice could be there to open the door for Carol.  First, she could have waited there by the door while Carol was gone.  Second, Carol for some unknown reason rang the doorbell, and Alice ran to answer it.

Now to get back to why the door is initially open, the current best story goes like this:  Alice notices a car parked outside their door (or maybe someone got out and rang the doorbell).  In any case, Alice opens the door.  It is then good manners to leave the door open, letting those in the car know that the occupants of the house are aware of their presence and will be right out.  So what we see in that scene is an open door because Alice has been polite to company as any good slave should be.

Incident #14: Alice makes sandwiches for the protesters.  Wow there's a lot and a large variety.  She also answers the phone because (of course) she's the only one that is able to because everyone is so fucking busy.  So now not only is she keeping everyone fed, she's also working the campaign.  She then takes on the 2nd wife role and orders Peter to go over to a neighbors to get "more petitions and more handbills".

Incident #15: Alice is taking care of Carol because Carol's been on her feet all day.  Alice is seen propping Carol's feet up on two comfy pillows.  No one seems to notice that Alice has probably been on her feet LONGER.  Like a good slave, she doesn't complain and in fact has vigor and energy to spare (at least in front of the camera). 

The Winner (S2E21)

Incident #10: Alice turns into a babysitter for the evening.  We find her in the kitchen (where else) sitting on a stool with her shoe off rubbing her feet.  No attention or concern is paid to this, like it's pretty much a normal thing.  So now, even though her feet hurt, she needs to play nanny/2nd wife to the kids.  Not a word of thanks or even acknowledgment about what she's about to do.

Incident #11: A suprise party is created for Bobby.  I have my doubts as to how much the kids could do, so yet again is falls mainly on Alice.  It wasn't anything elaborate, but she's just so sickeningly happy to go do all this effort watching the kids and then coming up with a plan for a surprise party.  She's an amazing person, but no one -- including herself -- seem to realize that.  She's just taken totally for granted.

Incident #12: Alice comes out of her room carrying a trophy that she announces she wants to "contribute to the family".  Why the hell would she do this, and why now?  Has she lost all of her pride (whatever she had left) by giving away a prized trophy?  Well, it turns out that she really doesn't want it when she reveals she only won it because her "elastic broke in her gym bloomers".  The trophy she has is for "modern dance" she won while still in high school - 19XX (she erased the last two digits with steel wool).  In any case, it doesn't seem as though she cares all that much for the trophy, so in a courageous act of defiance, she dumps this pile of crap onto the Brady family, this unloading it from herself and probably clearing up some horizontal space.  The real question is WHY is she doing this now?  My best guess is that this entire "trophy" incident reminded Alice that she had this piece of crap laying around and decided to dump it on "the family".

Lights Out (S2E20)

Incident #6: Just like the happy slaves of old, when the master of the house -- Mike -- comes home, Alice is right there to greet him.  She actually comes out of the kitchen (where we find out a little later she's making dinner) and meets him about halfway in the living room.  In the role of 2nd wife, she asks him why he's home so early.  There's a normality to how they behave that makes one cringe.  "Oh, hello dear!  My my my you're home quite early from the office, aren't you?  You normally don't come home this early but I'm so happy to see you!"  Oh, how I wish she could see the terrible choices she's making!  Stop it, Alice, stop it!!!!!

Incident #7: In the same scene, as soon as Peter appears (coming home from school), Alice stops what she's doing to happily (and without much thought because by now it's so automatic) attend to getting his after school snack -- a plate heaping full of cookies (looks like chocolate chip).  When Peter expresses his wish to do a magic act, Mike is reluctant.  Alice jumps in to defend Peter, always trying to be on the side of the kids when she can especially if it won't hurt them in any way -- yet another 2nd mother attribute.  When he agrees to it, Alice goes back into slave mode and becomes Mike's "yes man" agreeing with whatever the hell he just said regardless of what it is.

Incident #8: Still in the same scene, Alice happily volunteers to sew a cape for Peter's magic act.  I don't know much about sewing, but it would seem to me that even the simplest of sewing projects takes a substantial amount of effort just to get going!  I mean, you need to have the material (which means getting it somehow -- maybe there's some on hand, but more likely she'll have to go and get it), you need to set up your sewing machine (no small task!), design the whole thing, cut the piece(s), and then put it all together!  She does this without a 2nd thought at all and of course gets no thanks for it.  She then goes back into 2nd mother mode when Bobby mouths off -- threatening him with a pair of salad tongs.

Incident #9: Alice assumes the 2nd wife role and is in her "travel cloths" transporting Cindy to the school to assist Peter.  The first thing I thought was "where the hell did Cindy get that outfit?"  Alice answered me by saying that she took the wings off of her fair princess outfit.  Everyone just laughs, but even this kind of thing requires pretty substantial effort on Alice's part.  She needs to quickly figure out what, if anything, can be done, find the outfit, make the necessary changes/removals, help Cindy dressed into it.  During the act, Alice happily and proudly looks on.

The Liberation Of Marcia Brady (S2E19)

Incident #3: When it's time for dinner, Carol give the order but Alice automatically assumes the role of enforcer of the the order given by Carol. Alice is once again the bad guy.

Incident #4: Alice is put into a position of having to choose between Carol and Mike. A very awkward and stressful position to be in. Being a woman, she doesn't want to upset her gender. But, being in the apparent servitude of Mike Brady, she doesn't want to upset him for fear of some sort of unknown retribution which wold surely come and probably be either embarrassing or an outright lie. Alice does the only thing she CAN do: please everyone at the same time by denying her denial. This is an incredibly cruel thing to do to another "fellow" human being.

Incident #5: While Carol looks on (breathing down Alice's left shoulder), Alice finishes ironing Marcia's uniform. Carol then rips it from Alice's hands (who, of course is shown to gently hand it to her) and gets all the credit for taking excellent care of her oldest child.

Our Son, The Man (S2E18)

Incident #1: Greg slams the door into Alice who then needs to change her mind about what to do with the eggs that have just smashed onto her chest. She'd planned on hard-boiled but has to settle for scrambled. AND, who the fuck do you think is going to clean up that mess? Nothing is ever said because it's ASSUMED to be Alice! Plus, she is made to look the fool by how she reacts to the mess.

Incident #2: Carol is not to be seen when Alice delivers lunches to the kids. The lunches are VERY FULL and it's obvious that Alice spent a LOT of time preparing them. But of course there's not a word of thanks. Then she pushes them out the door. Carol then appears with Mike, but they're both oblivious to the kids leaving for school and the work that Alice seems to do without even thinking about it -- as if she's been doing it every day for years with no break. No one seems to give a shit about the time and energy needed to make such huge lunches and then get those stinking little rats out the door!

This BLOG is dedicated to documenting -- coldly and rationally -- the atrocities perpetrated by the Television family known as 'The Brady's" upon their so-called 'Maid', Alice Nelson. It will also attempt to find and make visible certain patterns of behavior and abuse.